I do not believe in gods. Philosophically, I am a naturalist. That is, I see no justification for belief in a supernatural or "spirit" plane of existence.
So the evolutionary stream of thought is probably comfortable for you. Taken to it's logical conclusion then you believe that matter and/or energy are eternal and by random events over billions of years we (and possibly more knowledgeable/powerful beings) have arrived (noting no particular thought of advancement) where we are and may develop into more sophisticated beings or less sophisticated beings (if that can be truly judged) as time goes on. You're too rational to pretend that you don't make the best choices possible (weighing in all the factors) as you and yours travel through life. Hence you have developed a value system that transcends just the facts - i.e. you wouldn't kill your neighbor for his (chose your machine: Corvette, Hummer, Viper, etc. etc. ) because you felt a desire to look awesome to (pick your favorite person to impress). Even though that neighbor might be better off dead - they could be older, disabled or many other factors that society is now seriously considering (as did Germany circa 1930's and 1940's) that could relegate someone to the less than worth living category. Like many things, naturalism has good points and having spent 25 years of my life in environmental instrumentation I do understand the need and the "good" in protecting nature and all things natural. When the book of Revelation states that we (mankind) have polluted the earth (could well be referring to nuclear fallout, biological and chemical warfare as well as other pollution) I see God's reaction to the ruining of a superbly designed, self regenerative ecosystem that wisely tapped could easily meet our worlds population needs. I have floated off again! Your value system is simply not a pure naturalist (survival of the fittest) philosophy. It has obvious spiritual/religious elements you have incorporated - either for your peace of mind or to get along with others better. You do care for the numb nob who smacked your car - he/she has value beyond your brief and painful (financially, physically, schedule wise etc. etc.) encounter. The fact that your emotions can't peacefully co-exist with your rationalized mind on certain matters (like dying/death) are legitimate tensions that Christianity answers - historically (This Evidence Demands a Verdict by Josh McDowell - a former athiest turned Christian after trying to disprove historical Christianity), experientially (there is a peace beyond knowing - being born again is (I thinking you've done things in your life you regret and hopefully have been forgiven for - your emotional/soul side really takes over your rational/mind side) hard to describe - what happens - for me it was a peace I'd never known - it started me in a new direction (everything becomes new), and a future that can be known in part (prophecy) and my confidence in my"eternal state of rest". I'll be the first to admit that the organized church has made a lot about the faith far more complicated, political and hierarchical than I believe it was ever meant to be. I'll be praying for you - it probably won't be answered the way I would think - which is a good thing!
When we die, we cease to exist, just as we did not exist before we were born. When you lose consciousness, you also more or less cease to exist. I fear death as greatly as most people do on an emotional level, not a rational level.
I don't know if you have children, but, I can't imagine you telling them that when a loved family member that passes away has simply ceased to exist! Now I say that to you and at the same
time I was criticized by family for telling my children that there was no Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, etc. etc. - the family was sure I was going to damage them for life - even though they knew the truth but thought, because of their age and naivety, my children should be allow to believe a fun and mysterious fable/lie. By all accounts they don't seemed to have suffered but advanced by believing the truth. Maybe you do tell others that loved ones have ceased to exist - or cleverly avoid making direct statements, but, wouldn't it be better to tell them the truth (as you see it) than to let them believe a lie? Why would you fear death if all of life is happenstance anyway - there's no pain/hell to pay or heaven to gain. I guess like my friend Jim, as long as the positives/pleasures outweigh the negatives/pains (of various types and kinds) you hang in there. As he has recently gone through the shingles/smallpox
virus and then the flu, he expresses he would rather be dead on any given day - expect he inexplicably won't "pull the trigger" - he somehow senses that his philosophy has some serious holes in it. I hope some day you will "see" that your rational mind and your emotional/soul can work together in harmony to a magnitude you won't think is possible.